Experiencing the side-effects of Obama Malaise? Eight years of failed liberal policies and shameless compromising to Republicans can do that.
Are you overcome more with fatigue than warm fuzzy feelings about a 2016 race between the wife of an ex-president and the brother and son of ex-presidents? Hell, we don’t blame you!
Did you wake up with the Mexican flu after a long night of Trump in your rump? !Que la chingada!
Well try a dose of Bernie Sanders, a little known Senator (I-Vt.) who was once considered a long shot to his closest Democrat rival, Hillary Clinton. Since announcing his prez bid he has surged in the polls and rides Rodham’s ass closely in key swing states.
Anybody ever tell you size doesn’t matter? They’re lying.
Sen. Sanders turns out larger crowds across the US than any other candidate, including Republican Donald Trump in Arizona just days apart which drew less than half of Bernie’s 11,000.
In Texas, he collectively drew 13,000 between Dallas and Houston in the same weekend. In Portland, ME, a turnout of 9,000.
Setting the record straight, Wall Street favorite Hillary Clinton was psychically channled by her spiritual advisor and had this to say about the new lefty favorite:
“He’s like an annoying grandpa you hate seeing during the holidays because he berates you about rights and freedoms and shit. Listen people, I know what Americans love and the values we have cherished for generations and let me tell you, it ain’t a higher minimum wage, healthcare, education and all that socialist jazz. It’s about our rights to the Washington status quo and a tired political system that brings us three steps back for every step forward. That’s America so love it or leave it.”
Let’s take a look at some the key issues the Bernz has in the oven:
A LIVING WAGE
Do you run after a bus for three solid blocks because you know by the time the next one comes your transfer will be expired? Skip desert not because you have a weight problem but because it isn’t included with your coupon? Do you steam off stamps from old envelopes to attach to your mail-in Food Stamps recertification form? If you answered yes to any of the above, it sounds like you need a raise!
Just last week Bernie introduced a bill to raise the federal minimum wage to $15 an hour. What, you can’t pay rent, feed your kids because you didn’t pull out in time or sustain the bad habits you hide from your bed buddy on a $7.25 wage? Yeah, nor can we.
Listen up broke ass, the United States is rich as fuck and we lead the world in obscenely unequal wealth and income distribution. By “world” we mean on the planet EARTH. That’s a lot of space. 1% of this star-bungled nation owns about as much as the bottom 90%…combined. So who’s buying lunch?
Ask the Walton family, they have more in their pocket than you or any of the bottom 42% of Americans put together. That includes those oversized pickle jars overflowing with loose change that you’ve been using for your daughters college fund.
DEMOCRACY FOR SALE
According to an idiotic Supreme Court ruling back in 2010, corporations and the 1% can now flood elections with unlimited amounts of undisclosed money. In other words, Dunkin Donuts and Exxon Mobil have the same rights as living, breathing humans.
Elected officials went from representing the needs and interests of Americans to essentially taking on the role of pricey hookers ready to get their knees dirty to please the highest bidder. And the Koch brothers LOVE to spend, with an estimated $900 million in next year’s election.
Bernie’s plan? Restore a one person-one vote democratic system by a constitutional amendment to overturn the brothel known as Citizens United. And when one of those old dogs in the Supreme Court kicks the bucket his nominee will commit to overturning this ruling…or else the Brooklyn-born Sanders will make them an offer they can’t refuse.
Last May the Bernz unveiled a plan for tuition-free public colleges, a piece of legislation likely not to pass the ass-backward-greedy-self-interest-Republican-controlled Congress, but nevertheless an issue he would champion as president.
Not only was music better in the 1970’s, but so were tuition costs. From 1978 to a few years ago, the cost of tuition has gone up by…are you ready for it? 1,120%. The graduating class of this year has an average debt of $35,000, the highest in our countries history and just the latest signal our education system is Fucked. Get it? Graded F? Well we thought it was clever.
Last month Bernie vowed that as president he would go further than President Obama in curbing deportation and providing a path to citizenship. And if Congress doesn’t agree with him? He said he’s got a big hard presidential pen ready to spread its juices in the form of executive action. So to speak…
During the 2013 comprehensive immigration reform bill S.744 he was a vocal critic of President Obama’s politically timed delay to use executive action ahead of the 2014 midterm elections, as well as the House for its failure to bring the bill to a vote. He also voted for the Dream Act that would have granted citizenship to youngsters who grew up in the U.S. without papers…but guess what, keep dreaming! Republicans wouldn’t allow it.
Remember that time you watched too many Jackass reruns and decided to blow a bottle rocket out of your anus and nearly died? And the hospital bill you got for it also nearly killed you? Too bad the Affordable Health Care Act didn’t cover ya. Sanders did in fact vote for AHCA but has been a long time proponent of “Medicare-For-All”, or a single-payer government funded system, a cause he’ll continue as president.
But isn’t standing out from the rest of the industrialized world a good thing, I mean who wants to be another sheep in the herd? Well, in this case, it isn’t a bad idea to fit in a little.
Come time for the primaries, we at SFAQ hope you join us in voting for Senator Bernie Sanders as the Democratic Nominee for President of the United States of America.
You read right, that’s an endorsement.